


Hymns for the Lost

by C1ashi1dr



Series: Team TARDIS Drabbles [14]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Bit of Fluff, Gen, I suck at tags, She's really trying to, The Doc wants to talk about her feelings, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Yaz is trying her best, but she can't, no, not really - Freeform, the angst does not get comforted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C1ashi1dr/pseuds/C1ashi1dr
Summary: The Doctor takes the Fam to Kothilea to show them that there's more to the universe than conflict. However, the planet dredges up some old memories.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & The Doctor's TARDIS, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Series: Team TARDIS Drabbles [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671988
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	Hymns for the Lost

**Author's Note:**

> The usual disclaimers, don't own Doctor Who and don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine.

"Alright, Fam," the Doctor burst out of the TARDIS without regard for what could be waiting from beyond. She'd made sure with the TARDIS that the planet was safe, the sensors didn't indicate there were any life forms that could pose a threat to humans and the atmosphere was breathable. They'd even managed to land before most colonization trips landed or sentient life really developed. It was just the planet and the smaller creatures. "Welcome to Kothilea. We're millions and millions of years into your past, not on your planet obviously." The deep purple grass should have been an indicator of that. 

The Doctor heard the door click as the last of her companions made it out of the TARDIS. There was a collection of short inhales and the Doctor couldn't help the beaming grin. It was so much easier to forget the problems of the universe in a place like this. It's much easier to forget the Master, Gallifrey, everything she's ever done, it's all behind her because these fields are untouched by the ravages of war. 

"Why's the grass purple?" Ryan asks, and the Doctor launches into proper rambling as they wander away from the TARDIS. Its presence is a comfort in the back of her mind, a presence, a friendly reminder that she's not alone in all of this. They continued on like this, talking and the Doctor pointing out cool aliens or some other feature of the landscape.

"There's gotta be something special about this planet," Yaz said after a long moment of silence. "You never take us anywhere without a reason. Or the TARDIS doesn't at any rate." Smart Yaz, always catching on. 

"10 points to Yaz," the Doctor said, glancing back to catch the tail end of her smile. "There's something really cool here that I think you'll like. You just have to trust me." After something that sounded strangely like an 'Always' was muttered at her back, the Doctor veered sharply off the little path they'd been walking along. She'd not been here in a long time, since before the new body. She may have brought Bill or Clara here, it was always hard to remember such things.

They walk for a little while, an hour of the Doctor's internal clock is anything to go off of (it is) and she can practically predict the complaining that happens as she turns back to the humans. Ryan looked a little disgruntled, having taken a tumble through some bushes a little while ago. He'd managed to get most of the leaves off his clothes, but there were a few smears of dirt that were streaked across his face. Yaz was the only one who seemed alright with everything, only a few paces behind the Doctor. Her face was struck with wonder and the Doctor knew that it was faces like that which made her travel like this. 

"Right you lot, we're about to enter one of the most sacred places in the universe." She dropped her voice to a whisper for effect and Yaz was smiling but the others only shook their heads. She didn't mind. She was the tour guide of the universe for them, a helpful traveler. If there was one charade she had to keep, it was that one. "I'm gonna have to ask you to not take flash photos, and to stay absolutely silent when we enter. It'll be a little hard to hear at first but trust me, it's gonna be great."

She took the lead, as she often did, slipping between a gap of two large rocks. The path took a sharp and steep turn but the Doctor made sure the Fam made it through, guiding them with her voice and a torch she'd pulled out of her pockets. They made it to the bottom of the crevice and the Doctor hushed the humans, waiting a moment before activating the sonic in a short, pointed burst of noise. 

A moment later, the rocks surrounding them on all sides came to life with song, each pinging with a different pitch that blended into a melody that even the Doctor couldn't find words for. She'd heard it before, many times. Yes, she remembered now. Bill and Ace and Sarah Jane, she'd brought them all here before, let them listen to the melody of this world. It was a wonder she'd not run into one of her past selfs. It wouldn't be a surprising twist for one of these adventures. 

She watched Yaz's face morph from confusion to complete wonder-struck awe. Her eyes lit up in the gloom of the rock, they practically sparkled and the Doctor had to look away at one of the singing rocks. It would be a long time before any other sentient life set foot in this place and generate the right pitch to get the rocks singing. The Doctor let herself get swept up in the song, feeling it make her chest vibrate in certain places a funny feeling that never failed to inspire utter faith in the universe in her.

That's why she always returned. 

Kothilea had been in Gallifrey's interests, not because of the resonance of its rocks but because it had been home to a mineral that the Daleks were once interested in. It had been a tactical planet but the Doctor had seen through the artificial value when he'd visited with Sarah Jane all those years ago. She'd found the crevice, oh how clever she'd been and how excited they'd both been at the prospect of the little chamber. The Doctor had returned here with Sarah Jane, just to hear the rocks sing once again, sitting alone in the dark with Sarah Jane and K9 listening to the universe around them.

Ace had wanted a concert. The TARDIS had taken a creative interpretation to it, bringing them to Kothilea. That body had forgotten all about this planet and its purple grass and beautiful forests until the TARDIS had slammed into the ground. They'd been stranded for a week and Ace had gone off exploring while the Doctor had done his best at repairs. Ace found the chamber and they both sat at the bottom. Ace talked about her mum, life at home, a lot of the things she never spoke about in daylight. It was one of the Doctor's first glimpses under the bombastic and loud exterior to the woman underneath. 

And Bill....oh, Bill. That body had been crazy, but in the best way. He'd been completely daft, remembering this planet in a flash of inspiration after seeing a painting with purple grass some point in the 25th century. It had been a whim, bringing her here probably slightly more dangerously than he should have been, crossing multiple versions of his own time stream to get to a good point. Again, they'd sat on the floor in complete silence. No words, not even when they made it back to the TARDIS and the Doctor had taken Bill home. 

A hand brushed against her cheek and her eyes flew open (when had she closed them) and she spotted Yaz giving her a concerned look so full of compassion that the Doctor had to look away. She hadn't realized she'd been crying, too lost in memories, and soon the rocks quieted, leaving only the sound of their breathing. It was still a pleasant sound but soon they were climbing out of the crevice, Ryan and Graham leading the way while Yaz lingered at her side.

"Are you alright?" she asked and the Doctor put on her best grin. Yes, her hearts were heavy in her chest but they were always like stones. Today wasn't any different. "I really loved that. I love this. Traveling with you, seeing the universe." It was an honest admission, and maybe that was what coaxed the Doctor to let the smile drop a bit, to something a little more genuine.

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I love it too." She shoved her hands into her pockets as they walked, trailing along behind the boys. "Wanted to show you lot that there's more to the universe than alien invasions and war and problems. For every Dalek or Cyberman out there, somewhere there's a place like this."

"You come here a lot?" Yaz asked.

"Sometimes, yeah," the Doctor said. "Brought a lot of people here. It's a great place to take people, there's always something new to see, another melody, another harmony to find. It's usually the TARDIS that brings me here. She tells me when it's time to come." She looked ahead, stared at Ryan and Graham's backs, watched them talk amicably so she didn't have to look at Yaz. "She's got a good eye for that stuff. Metaphorically speaking."

"Yeah, I understand," Yaz said. "The TARDIS isn't really under your control most of the time, is she? She just takes suggestions sometimes."

There was a teasing tone to her voice and the Doctor barked out a laugh that sounded forced, even to her ears. "Yasmin Khan, I'll have you know i'm the best TARDIS pilot in the world. Seeing as it's made for six people and all, I'm doing a helluva job."

"Whatever you say Doctor." She gave that teasing grin that was reminiscent of so many before her and the Doctor's hearts ached. She covered it, however, with a bright smile and that cheerful hop she gave to try and revitalize herself, moving up to wrap her arms around Ryan and Graham's shoulders, steering them back towards the path as they made their way back to the TARDIS.

No more places where she'd taken others. It brought up too many memories, too many questions from the Fam. She felt a little bad, leaving them in the dark about so much but they would never see her the same if they new everything about her past. No, this was better. Travelling and pretending to be happy and strong for her humans. She could do that. She'd done it before.

"C'mon, Yaz, or we'll leave you behind!" she shouted over her shoulder, watching Yaz's face fall for a microsecond before a smile replaced it. It was enough for a twinge of guilt to stab the Doctor in the heart but she ignored it. It was better this way. It was always better this way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Gonna take a moment to shout out all the people who are reading this, yes, you guys right now. You're the best! Keep it up!


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